Thursday, September 21, 2006

Now before I begin, I realize how, in the big scheme of things, my life is pretty good. But I've been feeling very anxious lately. Not that this is all that unusual, for myself or for anyone else for that matter, but I'm trying to figure out the root of this reccurring problem. And my recent anxiety seems very trivial and petty, but nevertheless, it's mine.

I volunteered to lead a sing-along time for the kids at a mom's group on Wednesdays. This past week was my first attempt. The loud and large gym, the enticing, destracting toys scattered throughout the gym, the large number of very young children, and the tired, drained college kids were just the right ingredients for disaster. Now, I'm sure I'm exaggerating somewhat, but I felt ridiculous singing and acting out these fun songs to kids that either looked at me as if I were trying too hard, or they were completely unaware I was up front attempting to get their undivided attention. Very humbling, I must say....which is always good for gaining perspective, right?

As of now, I think the root of the problem is I care too much of what other people think of me....even the opinions of 3 year olds. Wow, that seems borderline psychotic. Now I realize this is just 20 minutes of their lives and doesn't hold much significance, so why does this make me so angst ridden? Because I have nothing else to do? Probably depends on who you ask. But how can I let go of this need/desire/fixation to make sure I leave positive impressions everywhere I go? (However, as I write this, I realize I don't do this with my husband, the one person I definately should value.)

I was just talking to a good friend and we were pondering the question, "Why are we so guarded with people? What does it take to be more comfortable in our own skin?" I'm sure there are some obvious answers, but right now I'm stumped. It's one thing to figure out the solution, but another to apply it in the moment, one act at a time.

Actually, it's rather liberating to be silly in front of a young crowd....and even more liberating to laugh at myself afterwards. Now, if they'd only join me in the tomfoolery.

1 comment:

The Strawberry Blonde said...

I like that you used the word "tomfoolery." :)

And Krista, repeat after me:

I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough.
And dog gone it (whatever that phrase means), people like me! :)