40 months...or so

Hannah,
In church yesterday, I saw a glimpse into the heart of a parent whose child is now an adult. During part of the service, the son made a public confession of faith and declaration of what God means to him, then his father proudly baptized his son. During the song that followed, he returned to his seat where his mother, wife, and son were waiting for him. His mother, especially, couldn't hold back the tears and as we all sang, she wept silently.

Later on during the service, we were asked to pray for loved ones, friends, neighbors who haven't experienced God's forgiveness and new perspective on life. A different mother, sitting in the same vicinity, went up and also wept silently. Her son, now an adult, doesn't yet know his need for God.

A few days ago, I was reading a book on parenting. And it reminded me that the older you get, the less control I have. There are certain decisions you will need to make on your own. And the decision I so desperately want you to make, alongside these two other mothers, can only be made by you.

Our church has been recently challenging us to reflect on why we are Christians. It's so difficult to articulate why I decided to be a follower of Christ....it's been a journey of questioning, studying, and living. I've had to find answers to my many doubts. I've watched other people work out, or continue to struggle with theirs. All those things have been a very important part of my journey. But the most important reason why I'm a Christian is because of God's love. We humans, have really made a mess of this world. So much pain, suffering. We have misplaced desires and passions. But we have a God who wants real communion with us...and has given us the freedom to decide whether or not we want to walk with Him (would it be genuine communion if it was forced?).

I love you so much, Hannah. And at times, I get overwhelmed with the thought of ever losing you. So I understand the rejoicing one mother experienced yesterday, knowing she'll be with her son in eternity....and the sadness of another who doesn't know if she'll experience that same joy.

I hope you'll be able to get a taste of God's love for you through the way your dad and I love you. I know that you, of all people, will realize that we aren't perfect and need wisdom that is not our own, but I pray that you will see the power of forgiveness and redemption in the way we love you, one another, and the people around us. We will fail many times, but God will never fail you.

There's a song, that I'll probably post later, that keeps surfacing during quiet times or times of prayer. It reminds me that life is and will be full of losses....but one thing you can never lose is my love. When you came into the world, my heart expanded....I never knew I could love in a way that I love you. This love has given me a glimpse of how pervasive and passionate God's love must be. At this point in my journey, this is the primary reason I'm a Christian.

Thankful for you in so many ways,
Mom