show off

Is it bad to want to wear my marathon medal around so people know I finished even though I make fun of people who do this? I mean, I only wore it from the finish line to the hotel. I need to get more use of it, right? Well, you'll see. Pictures will come, I promise.

regretting my words...as usual

After realizing I need to get out of the house a little more, this week I went to Mom to Mom, a couple hours each week, where moms get some time to socialize...and other stuff, I'm not sure what yet. Each mom is assigned a "care circle." The leader of my group asked us to tell a little about ourselves. Now, you all know me, when I'm given unscripted time to say whatever, I tend to put my foot in my mouth. I confessed to a table of moms that lately I have been BORED. (silence) bored, yes, people, she's bored.....great way to make friends, huh?

the blahs

I wish I
were skinnier,
loved reading more than tv,
were a better wife & mom,
didn't care what everyone thinks of me,
loved to be in the background, not needing pats on the back,
could swallow my pride with ease,
could efficiently manage money.

I wish all my words were funny, thoughtful, wise, and constructive.

I wish I
were more thoughtful,
had more discipline,
were more productive,
had more confidence.

former students teach me

Okay, so here I am, reading Us Magazine (really stretching my mental capacities, you know), and I just got a call from a mom of one of my former 4th grade students. Her daughter has just made the decision to be baptized and publically show her committment to Christ. "This is so great," I thought, "that they wanted to tell me this personally."

Then mom goes on to say that Joel, the youth minister, asked her to decide who should baptize her, someone who taught her a lot about Christ. I know, you see where this is going....she asked me. ME! I have never felt so honored and unworthy at the same time.

I don't mean to say this like I'm the one who did the work or like I deserve pats on the back....it's not my credit to take. For a long time now, I have wondered why God has patience with me, let alone has allowed me to work with these wonderful, teachable kids.

I guess I'm blogging about this because I need to let people know I'm selfish, lazy, and not always teachable. I'm also blogging about this because I need reminded that God is working in the lives of people in ways I don't see. Sometimes I wonder how He is working in me....or if I am letting Him.

That's all. Thanks for listening.

Caught!

DSCN0020, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Hannah has finally put something solid in her mouth!! Maybe she really will eat cake for her 1st birthday!

This is what al dente means, right?

DSCN0021, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Here's another example of what it's like to eat at my house. This particular meal, I wanted to make lots of pasta, but not use the big pot. In the end, we had too much pasta...so the pasta stuck to the bottom was no big loss.

See, you really should come over and eat. I not only offer lots of food, but great entertainment!

random...but efficient!

I've got nothing too exciting to say, but I'm outside sitting on the edge of the porch, watching Jacob ride his bike on a beautiful, breezy day and it seemed like a nice opportunity to blog.

efficiency
Anyone who has lived with me knows this word is a big goal of mine. When it doesn't happen, I feel like I've wasted time, money, effort, etc. But on the other hand, it is convenient too. I mean, who really wants to do MORE work? Yes, my work to be more efficient has AT TIMES been more work in attempt to do less work, but I can't succeed all the time, right?

(While I"m writing this, Jacob found a nail....nailS actually....I should probably watch him a little more carefully.)

Speaking of efficiency, last week, I went to the grocery store DAILY. AND I brought a few coupons with me. But each time I loaded Hannah and Jacob in the grocery cart, I realized I forgot the coupons. Not only did I waste time, but money! Plus it was super double coupon week at Kroger!?! Obviously, I need to work on this particular area of efficiency.

(Update: Jacob has found 7 nails so far....and a jack...and a dead locust.)

I guess I better find something new for Jacob to do, but I'm pleased...not only did I finally blog, but I watched (really I was!) Jacob, AND got my yard picked up! 7 less nails......what a great kid!

Everything I've learned about life, I've learned from....karaoke

So far, this is what I've learned:
1. People are putting themselves out there....cheer them on
2. The shyest person in the room steals the show
3. Look for challenges: pick songs atypical of you and your preferences
4. It's not about how you sound, it's about how you mean it
5. Laugh at yourself
6. Dance, or if you're me, bounce
7. Sing your heart out...

masochistic?

I love running.
I definately don't look like a typical runner, but I finally feel confident enough to put myself in the runner category.
I'm not sure why I like it. Many days, I fight the urge to stay in bed or on the couch.....sometimes the urge wins. But once I'm out there...once I've warmed up and have a steady pace, there's nothing like it. I think the reasons why some people hate running are the exact reasons why I love it. I absolutely love how tired, sore, and worn out I feel after a run. I feel satisfied that, in that moment, I have won a small battle over self-doubt and my body's urge to hibernate.

....but I'm trying

Change in the Gaff household:

-I finally finished my summer job and can be home with Hannah full time!
-We have a new member of the family: my dear friend Vickie. While waiting for her house in T-ville to sell, she moved into our modest little house and has begun the process of settling into a new job and town.
-I'm determined to learn how to cook. But tonight wasn't a great start: LOTS of veges, undercooked (our grill ran out of gas) and crossaint rolls (from a tube). That's it. Yep.
-Hannah's bathtime moved from the sink to the tub today. Screamed bloody murder.
-Karaoke. Friday. First time. Can't wait.

house blues

On most days, we love our old house. Despite it's "a work in progress" appearance, it's been cozy and full of character. However, this weekend Isaac fixed our leaky bathroom sink, and now our tub is leaking. We discovered this when Isaac noticed that our kitchen light was dripping water! This cannot be a good thing, right?

Part of me wants the damage to be so bad that we are forced to gut the bathroom and kitchen, so I can speed up the day I get my new cabinets, flooring, etc. But the realistic part of me PRAYS that it's an easy fix because the bill would bring us to tears....we'd have to resort to child labor. Sorry, Hannah.

After the roofing project, and taking care of Hannah full time, this project could not come at a worse time.
I hope Isaac's return to work will actually be a rest from his summer "break." Oh well, what can you do?

back to work

After having a week off, I am now dreading the return to day camp. It's not like it's a hard job, but for some reason I get anxious. The same anxious I get every August when school is about to begin. I'm not ultra shy, but being around people and the pressure I put on myself to please others wears me out. Somedays I'd rather just be a homebody, hanging around my family and friends who know me best and still, for some reason, like me....most of the time.

summertime

, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Finally, our first trip to the pool this season.

bathing beauty

bathing beauty, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Oh, to look this cute in a two piece!

Rainy Tuesday morning

I love waking up to the rain. It makes me want to take my time getting up, read the paper, drink coffee....I'm not a coffee drinker, but if I ever started, it would be a day like today.

But Hannah doesn't seem to feel the same way. She's wide awake at 6am (did I train her to do this...if so, what was I thinking?!) and ready to eat. So now here I am watching the rain out of my dining room window. Maybe I'll go back to bed when I put Hannah back down for a nap.

Maybe not. It's not quite the same and I have a messy basement that's calling my name.

update

Yeah, well, I'm back. I'm not so good at keeping up with this, but I'll try harder, I promise (If anyone is out there).

Hannah: I absolutely love hanging out with her. She does something new everyday. Crawling (actually, scooting is probably a more correct term) and making new cute faces are her new thing. I don't keep up with the photos as well as I should. It's on my list of things to do.

Home: Messy! but what's new? I am so grateful for our neighborhood and a roof over our heads, literally. Isaac has been working on our roof for the last month. Lots of repairs and long days, but it's almost done. I'll post a picture soon.

Work: Working at Day Camp has been fun, and I've learned how tough it is to supervise college age kids (I'm old, I can't believe I just called them "kids.") but I hate being away from home. Isaac has been in charge at home....he's doing a great job with Hannah, but he's looking forward to letting me take over.

Marathon: I am officially in training! Vickie and I are running the Chicago marathon. 12 miles next week, Vickie!

Podcasting: Not me personally, but Isaac and I have met some great people through Blue Dog Banter. I make fun of people who meet friends on the "Internet," but now I've become one of them.

Travels: We are heading to Nebraska in a couple of weeks! I can't wait to be surrounded by bluffs, buffallo, and rolling hills. I never thought I would say those words, but there they are. I miss my family and can't wait for the Hokey Pokey and all the other self-humiliating games.

Family: Chris and Gretchen are now in China. It was hard to see them leave and even harder to see Isaac tearfully say goodbye. We already miss you!

Friends: Vickie's moving to town! Laurie's back in the states! When are we going to relive our college roommate days?

Well, that's about all excitement that's called my life. Stay tuned. More to come. I promise.

thoughts-part I

Before I begin, I will apologize in advance (to the two people who still read this) for this entry not making sense. I also want to say that I am not in any way complaining about a specific church, or group of people that I may know. These are just personal struggles that I need to accept responsibility for and look for ways to become more humble and like Christ.
This is my first time putting these thoughts into words, and yes, Isaac, there will be terms your are probably going to make me define, but here goes.

Church
For quite awhile now, this word/idea/thing has bothered me. I feel guilty for the feelings and questions I have, so when I try to explain them, I want to recognize most of the problems I have with church probably reflect my own lack of maturity and growth, but nevertheless, I need to work through them.

When I use the word, church, I am referring to the established Christian community in my limited experience.

So many people I know have become disillusioned by church and spend most of the time complaining, but not looking for answers or ways to make it better. I find that I do this sometimes, but no good comes from this.

So, where to begin? What has troubled me with church?

in worship:
I used to (and still do, but it's been so long) love worship through music. I've always loved to sing and feel like I could convey my heart in no other way. But for a long time now, I've been restless and embarrassed at how much my worship time seems to be more for myself than it is for God. Lately, I've found comfort in singing out of obedience, rather than emotion. I love the songs that state clear truth of what I know about God. While other songs ramble on and on, one cheesy verse after another. I ask myself, "Do I really mean this? Would I say this to you, God, individually?"

in teaching:
Please teach me to be thoughful and reflective. I know this is ultimately my responsibility, but we need to encourage one another to be this way. We as Christians are developing (or have developed) a reputation of ignorance. We don't think through what/why we believe, we just accept what we're told because the person who told us is behind a pulpit. You don't need to guilt me into Bible study or prayer...that's been self-defeating in the past and present.

in service:
it's human nature to want to spend time with people most like us and people who aren't that needy, but we are asked to give of ourselves sacrificially and help the needy. Why is it so hard to find people who are willing to help? Should I expect them to, when these people are MY friends, and not theirs? Or am I just being lazy and wanting to blame others for my lack of courage and persistence? Or have I reacted the same way when someone else mentions a need?

I ultimately know that my lack of study and reflection is what has created some of my frustration. So I know this is my first step in starting change.

...to be continued

Happy 4th

Bummer no fireworks, too much rain!!

The life of a tree

What would life be like as a tree? Standing, never changing location, watching generations go by, yet remaining where you've always been. I think about this a lot when we return to my hometown. I guess it baffles me and leaves me in a state of awe to think of the sandy bluffs and cottonwood trees winding along the wide North Platte river remaining the same even when I seem to change significantlly each year I return. My mom and dad crossed this river and passed these trees many times when they were dating. These same trees saw me visit my grandparents most weekends, hang out with my friends as a teenager, drive home from college during breaks, and now bring my own daughter on vacation. I have changed so much, yet these trees seem eternally the same.

I realize how self-centered this whole idea sounds. Yes, life does go on without me. Most of my conversations during our visit with family consist of what's changed in their lives and communities. My family and friends seem to be able to breathe, eat, work, and play all without my supervision and involvement. Yet returning home, brings out such a nostalga in me that is sad and somewhat alarming to me when buildings change and people move.

That's probably why the unchanging, solitary life of a tree is comforting to think about.

Things I've learned from work

Since january, I've been lucky to get a job processing orders for a local landscape nursery. They send out various catalogs all over the U.S. Here's a few tidbits I've gathered over the past weeks:

1. When you really want to show deep desperation regarding your purchase, use the ever so attention-getting word "Puhleeze" when asking for a refund.
2. Mail orders are a safe and convenient way to evangelize to the masses.
3. Customers trust you to use their personal information in an honest manner.
4. Writing complaints via mail is a great way to let off steam and humor the recipient.
5. Note to PETA: i just handle the paper, not the organisms. And my milk drinking habits will not be swayed my a pamphlet I found in a landscaping order.
6. Note to organic growers and recyclers: why do you use more paper to complain of our paper waste?
7. Note to self: if you ever get worked up about the high cost of shipping and handling, wishing all the company workers to be paralyzed is not nice nor effective
8. Note to public: don't send signed, blank checks to companies, or anyone for that matter.
9. Note to customers, my name is Krista, not honey, fellow earthling, a**hole, sir,.....
10. Some companies will actually take postage stamps as payment!
11. There is such a thing as a fruit cocktail tree: plums, nectarines, peaches, and apricots all in one.
12. Yes, bluebells are actually blue, I promise.