When did you realize you were an adult?

When the checkout girl addressed me as "Ma'am." Even then, I convinced myself that if she knew me, this clearly wouldn't have happened.

Married 11 years.
2 kids.
Found several gray hairs this past month.
Loves crosswords and jigsaw puzzles.

But still in denial. I'm probably going to be that weird old lady who dresses and acts like she's still in college. Or maybe I've already arrived.....

How I'd spend $1000

As much as I'd like to go on a weekend getaway with my hubby, I'd put it toward debt. Blech.

My first job: food service

Flipping burgers and scrubbing toilets

I was 15 and had to get a work permit from the school's guidance counselor. I don't remember exactly how long I lasted, but I definitely didn't make it past a semester. I was the newbie, and a really young one at that, so cleaning the bathrooms and the other popular jobs were lovingly assigned to me.

Plinky

I found this new site that I'm going to try out. It gives daily prompts/ideas, which I'm hoping will encourage me to post more here! You should check it out....or post your answers in my comments....I want to know how'd you'd answer them as well!

25 Random Things About Me

If you are on facebook, you're probably sick of reading these. But I've been at a loss of what to post here, so here's mine. I won't officially tag anyone, but I'd love to read yours!

1. I have 2 daughters: Hannah, 4 years old (going on 16) and Laurel, 6 weeks old.

2. I've been married 11 years to Isaac and am a better person because of him.

3. I stay at home with our girls. I really love it and don't regret our decision. But sometimes I feel a little lost, unsure of who I am and what I'm skilled at outside from being Mom. This season of life will fly by, so I'm just trying to not take it for granted.

4. I love to sing, but rarely listen to music. Mostly I listen to NPR. This must change....not NPR (It's great), just more music.

5. I've run 4 marathons...not fast, but I finished! This is probably most shocking to those who knew me growing up. Hoping to run Chicago again this fall. Someday I want to run the New York City marathon.

6. I strongly dislike seafood. I wish I could enjoy it, but the texture, look, and smell is too much for restraining the urge to gag.

7. I want to like camping. I've done it and still want to take my girls camping in Wyoming and Colorado, but the discomfort of primitive toilets or lack thereof eventually makes me grumpy.

8. I love baskets/containers.

9. My wardrobe is pretty plain and simple. I'm constantly on the lookout for the perfect pair of jeans and white shirt. Still haven't found them, and have too many close seconds.

10. Because of this, I secretly (I guess not now, huh?) want to be ambushed by the hosts of "What Not To Wear." I wouldn't mind the blunt honesty, and push to have some courage, I have to say. Plus, who wouldn't want a free shopping spree on top of having a couple personal shoppers?!

11. I grew up in northeastern Colorado and western Nebraska. I'll tell tales of walking uphill both ways to school, the Oregon Trail, and the many uses of the yucca plant to anyone who asks.

12. When eating warm or toasted bread, it must be pulled out of the toaster ASAP. The butter must spread smoothly, or it's no good. I don't think this is unusual, but apparently my husband thinks this is highly odd. This just seems obvious to me.

13. I'm a follower of Jesus. Disclaimer: These are in no particular order. He is a tad more important to me than my baskets.

14. I enjoy reading and discussing world views/philosophies. My beliefs of the world need to make sense, not just to ease my own concerns, but it needs to adequately explain the bigger picture and address the tough questions of the human condition.

15. Because of #13, I'm always game to join a book group.

16. In light of the this, I wish I were less emotionally attached to my opinions and ideas and more eloquent in talking about them.

17. I'm 33 and STILL am not completely comfortable in my own skin. Learning to accept my personality quirks and physical attributes has been a lifelong struggle. I'm guessing I'm not in the minority.

18. One of my biggest regrets is how I treated my sisters growing up. I love them dearly and wished I had learned way earlier how to process my own fear and insecurity without hurting those around me. I know some of it was typical sibling arguments, but it makes me very sad to think I may have truly and deeply hurt them.

19. I wish I would have practiced the piano more and kept up learning guitar. It's never too late, right?

20. I LOVE puzzles. And board games. I'll make a great old lady. I still want to be running marathons then too....does that make me more interesting?

21. When in the car, I add up numbers on license plates or houses. It's kind of exciting when they add up to 10. Weird, I know. I have no idea why, but have been doing this since I was a little girl. I wish I could at least say my little mental game included more impressive mathematics. But, nope. Just the sum of 10.

22. I like to scrapbook, but all my albums are unfinished. Plus, I try not to broadcast this...don't want to fit too much of the stay at home mom stereotype.

23. My favorite vacation: I usually tell people it was camping down the coast of California, but the truth is it was our week at a Mexican all-inclusive resort. (See #7)

24. Some personal goals: read everyday, reserve time everyday to play with my girls, lose the baby weight plus some, and become debt free.

25. Is a bit embarrassed at how much time I spent on this silly list.

my cute kids

Laurel in her cute "baby legs"....thanks, Aunt Bobbi!


H all dressed and ready for her first dance lessons. She's excited, can you tell?!



I'm obviously no professional photographer, but here are a few pics of ballet and tap class.

It's about time

The 3 of you who read my blog are probably tired of looking at the picture of my poor dog. And well, I hear the Obamas need a dog that doesn't shed..so I quickly gave up hope there. And the Corgi rescue organizations are located in California. But if you know of a good home for him, PLEASE let me know.

I'm finally gathering my photos together from the past month. I don't have too many but here are a few of our family and especially our new addition and our most favorite Christmas present: Laurel Susanne.

Laurel Susanne
December 16th, 7:36 am
7 lbs, 18 3/4 in.


First family pic w/ Laurel....she's in my arms, really!


Fall 2008 family pic

Letter to President Elect....please take our dog!

I've heard Obama promised his girls a puppy after the election, and, even though he's not a puppy, I think Schaeffer would be a great addition to their family. I'm listing some reasons why the Obama family should pick Schaeffer as the First Dog, but please help me by adding to this list.

1. He's potty trained. You don't want to risk any messes on White House property!
2. He's a homebody. They wouldn't have to worry about him exploring and getting lost. He likes the safety of home!
3. His natural good looks. Perfect for photo opps!
4. He comes from the herding group. Corgis, even though they are short and small, know how to be bossy and get people moving....possibly aid in herding the Democrats and Republicans in the same room to work together. Who knows, maybe all they needed is a little bossy push from an unexpecting little furry friend.
5. He needs attention. Poor thing doesn't get much around here, but with the Obama girls and the press, he'd be in heaven!

Now I'm not going to lie, he does have a few setbacks. But depending on your perspective, it could make him more endearing, right?
1. His health. He either has a defective liver or a sensitive stomach. But if you feed him the specific kind of food, he's his happy, bossy self.
2. His tendency to bark. Annoying to some (me, especially), but maybe they'd appreciate knowing when people are approaching. I would imagine their family would want a little privacy and he definitely would inform them of any impending interruptions. Note: But if you give him some space to run off some of that energy, like the Rose Garden for example, it may not be as much of an issue.

Now this may not be the most persuasive, but it's honest...and they've got to appreciate that, right? Anybody have any more reasons I need to add to the list? This pregnant mama needs to reduce the number of living things she has to clean up after.....

I'm finally getting some photos off my phone and organized, so I thought I'd post some random pics over the last few months.
By the way, this is my 200th post! Actually that's kind of sad considering how many years I've been blogging.....oh well.

For Halloween, we were Care Bears; Love-a-Lot & Good Luck Bear...and of course, Addy the Dalmation!

For H's birthday, she recieved lots of fun costumes! Here's Fancy Nancy and Ariel.

A trip to the zoo with her best friends!

And one of my best friends being silly in Wisconsin. =)

A cute shirt over the 4th of July....obviously...in Oshkosh, Nebraska

An iPhone playdate

Daddy hoarding all the Care Bears for himself.....I have an even funnier picture of this that I'm not allowed to post!

And my accessorized girl. She wanted to wear her scarf just like LoLo! We miss you, Laurie! Eventually this scarf became a belt.

My 4 year old Hannah

Hannah,
Today you turned 4. A fancy, girly, smart, talkative 4 years old. Although in the midst of so much attention today, no one would know you're very talkative. It's fun to observe you in all kinds of settings...it helps me understand you a bit better. So many times I'm looking at whatever is happening from my perspective, and I need to stop and try to see it from yours.

You had a princess party. Katie and Addison came over, put on fancy clothes for the royal party, danced, made necklaces, and of course ate cake.



Then many, many more friends and family came over for dinner and cake. My favorite picture is when you were waiting to blow out your candle, listening to us sing to you....I think you were giggling and teary at the same time. I'm pretty sure I was too.

I love you, Hannah. I'm so grateful for my beautiful, kind girl.
Mom

Tagged

My sister tagged me...and it sounded kind of fun. Here's the 6th picture in my 6th album:

This was when Schaeffer got lots of love and attention. And now all he hears is "Schaeffer, kitchen! Now!" I'm far from the best dog owner, but this picture makes me smile. I think I was pregnant with Hannah in this picture....and about 7 months along, like I am now. Lots has changed since then, poor dog.

Would anyone like to take him home and shower him with the attention any dog deserves? I'm not kidding. Please take him.

Okay. Now I'm tagging Vickie & Laurie.

Because a few of you asked.....

Fancy Nancy and the baby belly

for documentation

Hannah: I love you so much and want to stay with you forever.

Me: I love you too. Remember this when you're thirteen, okay?

Hannah: Okay.

Swim lessons update

Bribery.
So far, this has helped. Along with swimming together on family swim night.

Today's prize for bravery: goggles.

Tonight, she screamed, then cried ONLY when she was on the edge. When they took her out to practice the strokes, she quieted right down and did what she was supposed to do. I'm still baffled at why she cried at the easiest part and frankly I'm rather irritated about it. But she DID get in and eventually joined her class. (Last week, another instructor took her by herself. That's one way to get private lessons, I guess!) Baby steps, right?

Next week's goal: no crying AT ALL. The prize? Glow in the dark finger nail polish.

Everything I learned, I learned from swim lessons....

So I thought it would be a great idea to sign Hannah up for some sort of activity this fall. Our town has so many great resources, it can be a bit overwhelming. But I thought I'd keep it simple. Hannah tends to be cautious and uncomfortable in the water, so I figured swim lessons should be our first choice.

We're only 2 lessons in, and I'm afraid the time is coming when we are asked to not come back. H's first lesson started off okay, but something, still unknown to the teacher and myself, upset her and she was fairly hysterical the remainder of the class. Gratefully, the other kids in the pool continued with their lessons as if a hysterical child was commonplace in such an environment. And I've been reassured by the teachers that it IS common. However, H has been the only one (including the babies) inconsolable thus far.

We have been talking up swim lessons all this week, to no avail. We've prayed for courage. Talked about what it means to have courage. Reassured. Encouraged. Bribed. Invented special sign language to help remind her to take deep breaths, listen, pray, etc. She's been consistent with her dislike for her lessons, but willing to try to be brave.

But.

The poor girl couldn't calm herself down. From the moment she walked into the pool area, she freaked out. I thought by me leaving, that might help. Instead, minutes after my leaving, Hannah was brought to me and I was told she threw up and that they had to evacuate the pool. I was of course, embarrassed. Then ashamed that my concern of other parents' reactions came before my compassion for my terrified little girl.

Here's where I'm stuck. When do I know enough is enough? I want my girl to have attributes like courage, commitment, persistence, hard work....and I know those traits don't come easily. But I also want her to know what it means to give and receive compassion, grace, and mercy. And I have to admit that although I may be more skilled in the former, I'm really weak in modeling the latter. I'm sure there are many of my former students and their parents out there who will vouch for this.

I intended this post to be a rather funny reflection on an embarrassing moment. Don't get me wrong, it still is funny and Hannah will probably grow very tired of hearing it told year after year. But I guess this experience is just one example of one of my biggest challenges in being a parent. And I really don't want to mess it up. I guess I need a little mercy myself.....

Yay for the underdog!

Early in June after checking our credit report, we discovered there were two medical collections on our report from 2004. It has taken me several weeks to investigate exactly what happened. Turns out when I went to my first prenatal appointment (when I was pregnant with Hannah), the blood work was sent to a lab. This lab apparently did not have any insurance information on me nor a current address. So two months later, they sent it to a collections agency.

The collections agency, our insurance company, and the hospital's lab, medical records, and billing departments all at one point, told us that we'll just have to pay for it. It's been frustrating, to say the least, to explain this long situation EVERY TIME I get on the phone. And customer service apparently doesn't mean that you can speak with your original customer service associate....or that they will actually care to understand the problem. While giving a summary of our situation, I could almost hear, on the other end of the line, their tone change when I used the phrase "collections agency." Immediately they didn't want to deal with it and seemed to assume if I let it get this far, I must be extremely irresponsible.

It was a beautiful day when I picked up my medical records which showed that we did, in fact, provide our current address and health insurance. And to top it off, the DIRECTOR of patient records called ME and APOLOGIZED for THEIR MISTAKE!!! Aaaaaah...it feels so very good to be vindicated!

Supposedly it will still take 3-6 months for these collections to be cleared from our records. But I don't care...it's $1000 that we don't have to pay. I cringe at how close I was to paying it, just to be done with it.

So here's what I've learned about this frustrating experience:
-Check your credit report every year. (I know, I know, I learned this the hard way.)
-Just because "big company" says I "just need to pay for it this time," doesn't necessarily mean they are right. Keep digging and asking questions....even if they don't want to go the extra mile for you. Being a nuisance has paid off.

She must have remembered our prayers last night

"Hannah, I want you to be a good listener."

"Mommy, I want to give you more patience."

46 months or so

Hannah,

I started writing letters to you long ago because of a blog I love to read, dooce.com. I don't know her, but her letters to her daughter are an honest and beautiful reflection of specific moments of motherhood. She has inspired me, among countless others I'm sure, to keep a record of this time in my life and yours. But more importantly, this process has helped me reflect on who YOU are and try to understand, really understand you; your fears, insecurities, joys, loves.


This stage in your life reminds me of when, as a little girl, I saw my mom reading a book with the phrase "strong-willed child" on the cover. I not-so-innocently asked her why she was reading it, and she just paused, looked up from her pages, and said, "Why do you THINK I'm reading this?"

This summer has been a move into a difficult and new territory for me. I think I can easily say that up until May or so, you've been a fairly "easy" child. I cognitively understand that you are growing up and trying to establish more independence, but to help you work this out on a day to day basis has been rather trying.

Of course, my own personal agenda for each moment and day, is our main point of tension. Like right now, as I sit with my computer on the patio, you are trying to narrate to me every move you make.

"Look mom. Look. I'm riding my horsey."

"Hey, mom. The baby is riding in the car with me. Look. LOOK."

That word, LOOK, is a loaded word. In fact, it's probably a glimpse into what you really want from me. Don't just glance my way, I want your FULL attention!

And now, out of desperation and because you know it gets me most every time, you've just asked to cuddle with me. And in my hard-hearted way, I say, "In just a minute."

To be fair though, MANY times you've used cuddling and kisses as a distraction from what you know you should be doing. Like SLEEPING, eating, going potty, SLEEPING, picking up toys, SLEEPING.

Well, despite what you think at times, I AM looking and watching. You've been fun to watch. Your little quirks and preferences come out and that just make those around you giggle...which you rarely appreciate....or maybe it's just a lack of understanding.

For instance, we have this morning ritual of reading the comics. I didn't realize how easily you catch on to random vocabulary until I overheard you reading to yourself later that morning,

"And then we'll go drink some margaritas! Won't that be fun?"


You LOVE reading. You'll sit on the couch for a long time, reading book after book after book. Calling it "reading" may be the incorrect term...more like "creative writing." Both your dad and I wonder if, after learning how to read, you'll grow tired of the actual storyline.

You still love clothes, hair, etc. You never miss telling me that you like my hair down whenever you see my ponytail.
One evening, we went to a Ronald McDonald magic show. You really weren't all that impressed with Ronald's string of scarves, or multiplying balls....but throughout the ENTIRE show, you kept whispering in my ear, "What COLOR are his SHOES?! I want to SEE his SHOES!"

It's very clear that you are an extrovert. You don't want to miss anything and in turn, don't want others to miss anything either. It is exhausting at times, but you clearly got that from me, not your father.

As a teacher, I had two dear and wise friends, Sue and Donna who somehow had this ability to get to the heart of the child and his/her behavior. Their influence transformed my heart towards my students and allowed me to especially love those who are at times challenging. I should reconnect with them and ask how I can better do this. I have a feeling they'll simply tell me what I already know: Listen. Slow down. Put YOUR agenda aside.

And if I'm honest, isn't that what I want? What we all want? Someone to take the time to understand, listen, and get to the heart of who I am or what I'm trying to communicate?

I want to understand you like that, Hannah. Being a teacher was just an eight hour job. But you and I are with each other all day, every day. And you want my FULL attention.

I know there is a valuable lesson in teaching you the appropriate time to ask for my full attention, but I don't want to miss the lesson you're trying to teach me. I truly hope, Hannah, as you look back on your childhood, you'll remember me truly looking at you, paying attention, listening. I'm sure you'll also remember times when I've let you down as well. But my hope is that you'll have more memories of the former, not the latter.

I love you,
Mom

20 week sonogram

Well, today we found out that we're having another girl!
Hannah was thrilled, of course, and I don't think Isaac was all that surprised. He has his own theories...feel free to ask him...as to why there are so many girls on my side of the family. But I'm pretty sure science is on my side....that and I've always pictured Isaac outnumbered, poor guy. But won't he be a great dad to teenage girls?! Boys will and should be very afraid.
But seriously, I thank God everyday for the protective father and husband that Isaac is to us.

Some photos of our little girl:


I think we may have a little thumb sucker.....


Supposedly, the three lines are proof we've got a little girl.

He's gonna kill me, but I can't help myself....

Well, Hannah and I made the long trek to Oshkosh in one day. I was determined to get it done, and luckily, Hannah cooperated. It was sweet to see Isaac walking to meet us on the stretch of dirt road leading to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Apparently he missed us as much as we missed him. =)

I love coming here. There's something about this place that makes me feel safe, relaxed, loved. My grandparents have always been these things for all of us.

Now we're off to my mom's place, then on to the mountains tomorrow. It will be a bit chaotic, but lots of firsts for Hannah and time with family.

Sidenote:
By the way, if you ever wonder what Isaac does, he was interviewed here.