Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer "My automobile is a piece of crap My fashion sense is a little whack And my friends are just as screwy as me" You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

Purple.....the new size 0

My mom, sisters and I went to a boutique today. A salesperson greeted us, explained their philosophy on sizing, then handed us a reference card. This boutique believes that every woman should celebrate and accept themselves, so instead of numbers being used to indicate your size, they use colors. So the reference card showed that purple was the smallest, followed by green, and so on.

This reminded me of a professor who told her future teachers to avoid red when grading papers because red communicated negativity and lowered self-esteem. So...if I use purple, will purple become the new red?

I'm not sure the boutique or the professor thought this through.

Update

For a while now, I've struggled with anything to blog about. But before the few of you who read this give up on me, here's an update:

-Currently we are in Omaha celebrating my youngest sister's graduation from Occupational Therapy school. She's a Doctor now! We are also cramming in Christmas and wedding dress shopping in these few days.

-My grandma and mom got sick when we first arrived, then the next day I got it. Nothing like having the flu in someone else's home.

-Our living conditions are cozy....see Isaac's blog

More to come....

You MUST go to Laurie's blog (link on the left) and add your 2 cents! Very funny. Men, you need to defend yourselves.

Is this MY problem?

So I'm checking out at Target, trying to buy some cough syrup for my poor, sick girl, when the girl behind the register asks me, "Can I have your birthdate?"

Knowing somehow this is part of the prevention of drug production, I gladly say, "Sure. 3-28-75."
Entering birthdate. Pause.
Girl suspiciously looks up at me and says, "I'm sorry it says your birthdate is invalid."

What can happen in 1 year

My Birthday Girl

Hannah,
I can't believe it's been a year. I know you won't remember all that has happened, but you have brought so much joy to our home since your arrival. You are such a happy girl. Your smile brightens up your whole face....we love to make you smile. But Schaeffer is your favorite, he's pretty much the only one who can make you belly laugh.

Right now, you are sooo close to walking. You love to push and steer the walker, but are even happier when we walk you around the house. You are fairly content entertaining yourself. Actually, your face lights up when I put you in front of a mirror. I wish I knew what kind of conversation you were having with yourself. Maybe it's some sort of pep talk. But I sure wish I got as excited when I did the same thing. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere.

Your independence pokes through every now and then. Sippy cups are a new discovery and you REFUSE to let us help you learn how to use it. I mean, what kind of parents are we to not allow you to be the first child in history to find a way to drink your juice from the bottom of the cup? I mean, your dad and I just might have the next DaVinci or Einstein on our hands! Let her work, people!

There's so much to say and for which to be thankful. I'm not as eloquent (look it up, sweetie) as your daddy, but I've never loved as deeply and wholeheartedly until you entered our world. I hope I honor God in the way I care for you as you grow. I may fail you at times, but I want you to know that I am always for you and not against you. I will be here to listen, comfort, and share in all that you experience.

Happy Birthday, my baby. May God bless you with many more.
Mom

Remembering to be thankful

for a roof over our heads
for sitcoms....especially Seinfeld reruns
for nail clippers in various sizes: baby, finger, toes
for a gas grill
for warm, steamy showers
for scented lotion
for baby wipes
for the Diaper Genie
for our beautiful patio and the hands that built it
for the Sunday morning newspaper
for Swiffer dusters and the Swiffer vac
for a warm house....well, warm enough, anyways
for celebrating my girl's first birthday
for chocolate cake and frosting
for a reliable car
for Internet at home
for blue jeans and sweatshirts
for the smell of bacon and fall candles filling the house
for hot chocolate with marshmallows melted on top
for comfy pajama pants
for thought-provoking books
for a loving, supportive family
for the colorful view of fall from our street
for Vickie, who rarely complains and does little things around the house, like dishes, bathrooms, filling soap containers,
supplying me with chocolate
for Isaac, who teaches me how to laugh at myself
for Hannah....her beautiful, telling eyes, the way she wrinkles her nose when she laughs, her independent spirit
for God's grace in my flawed life

a typical day w/ my medal

show off

Is it bad to want to wear my marathon medal around so people know I finished even though I make fun of people who do this? I mean, I only wore it from the finish line to the hotel. I need to get more use of it, right? Well, you'll see. Pictures will come, I promise.

regretting my words...as usual

After realizing I need to get out of the house a little more, this week I went to Mom to Mom, a couple hours each week, where moms get some time to socialize...and other stuff, I'm not sure what yet. Each mom is assigned a "care circle." The leader of my group asked us to tell a little about ourselves. Now, you all know me, when I'm given unscripted time to say whatever, I tend to put my foot in my mouth. I confessed to a table of moms that lately I have been BORED. (silence) bored, yes, people, she's bored.....great way to make friends, huh?

the blahs

I wish I
were skinnier,
loved reading more than tv,
were a better wife & mom,
didn't care what everyone thinks of me,
loved to be in the background, not needing pats on the back,
could swallow my pride with ease,
could efficiently manage money.

I wish all my words were funny, thoughtful, wise, and constructive.

I wish I
were more thoughtful,
had more discipline,
were more productive,
had more confidence.

former students teach me

Okay, so here I am, reading Us Magazine (really stretching my mental capacities, you know), and I just got a call from a mom of one of my former 4th grade students. Her daughter has just made the decision to be baptized and publically show her committment to Christ. "This is so great," I thought, "that they wanted to tell me this personally."

Then mom goes on to say that Joel, the youth minister, asked her to decide who should baptize her, someone who taught her a lot about Christ. I know, you see where this is going....she asked me. ME! I have never felt so honored and unworthy at the same time.

I don't mean to say this like I'm the one who did the work or like I deserve pats on the back....it's not my credit to take. For a long time now, I have wondered why God has patience with me, let alone has allowed me to work with these wonderful, teachable kids.

I guess I'm blogging about this because I need to let people know I'm selfish, lazy, and not always teachable. I'm also blogging about this because I need reminded that God is working in the lives of people in ways I don't see. Sometimes I wonder how He is working in me....or if I am letting Him.

That's all. Thanks for listening.

Caught!

DSCN0020, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Hannah has finally put something solid in her mouth!! Maybe she really will eat cake for her 1st birthday!

This is what al dente means, right?

DSCN0021, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Here's another example of what it's like to eat at my house. This particular meal, I wanted to make lots of pasta, but not use the big pot. In the end, we had too much pasta...so the pasta stuck to the bottom was no big loss.

See, you really should come over and eat. I not only offer lots of food, but great entertainment!

random...but efficient!

I've got nothing too exciting to say, but I'm outside sitting on the edge of the porch, watching Jacob ride his bike on a beautiful, breezy day and it seemed like a nice opportunity to blog.

efficiency
Anyone who has lived with me knows this word is a big goal of mine. When it doesn't happen, I feel like I've wasted time, money, effort, etc. But on the other hand, it is convenient too. I mean, who really wants to do MORE work? Yes, my work to be more efficient has AT TIMES been more work in attempt to do less work, but I can't succeed all the time, right?

(While I"m writing this, Jacob found a nail....nailS actually....I should probably watch him a little more carefully.)

Speaking of efficiency, last week, I went to the grocery store DAILY. AND I brought a few coupons with me. But each time I loaded Hannah and Jacob in the grocery cart, I realized I forgot the coupons. Not only did I waste time, but money! Plus it was super double coupon week at Kroger!?! Obviously, I need to work on this particular area of efficiency.

(Update: Jacob has found 7 nails so far....and a jack...and a dead locust.)

I guess I better find something new for Jacob to do, but I'm pleased...not only did I finally blog, but I watched (really I was!) Jacob, AND got my yard picked up! 7 less nails......what a great kid!

Everything I've learned about life, I've learned from....karaoke

So far, this is what I've learned:
1. People are putting themselves out there....cheer them on
2. The shyest person in the room steals the show
3. Look for challenges: pick songs atypical of you and your preferences
4. It's not about how you sound, it's about how you mean it
5. Laugh at yourself
6. Dance, or if you're me, bounce
7. Sing your heart out...

masochistic?

I love running.
I definately don't look like a typical runner, but I finally feel confident enough to put myself in the runner category.
I'm not sure why I like it. Many days, I fight the urge to stay in bed or on the couch.....sometimes the urge wins. But once I'm out there...once I've warmed up and have a steady pace, there's nothing like it. I think the reasons why some people hate running are the exact reasons why I love it. I absolutely love how tired, sore, and worn out I feel after a run. I feel satisfied that, in that moment, I have won a small battle over self-doubt and my body's urge to hibernate.

....but I'm trying

Change in the Gaff household:

-I finally finished my summer job and can be home with Hannah full time!
-We have a new member of the family: my dear friend Vickie. While waiting for her house in T-ville to sell, she moved into our modest little house and has begun the process of settling into a new job and town.
-I'm determined to learn how to cook. But tonight wasn't a great start: LOTS of veges, undercooked (our grill ran out of gas) and crossaint rolls (from a tube). That's it. Yep.
-Hannah's bathtime moved from the sink to the tub today. Screamed bloody murder.
-Karaoke. Friday. First time. Can't wait.

house blues

On most days, we love our old house. Despite it's "a work in progress" appearance, it's been cozy and full of character. However, this weekend Isaac fixed our leaky bathroom sink, and now our tub is leaking. We discovered this when Isaac noticed that our kitchen light was dripping water! This cannot be a good thing, right?

Part of me wants the damage to be so bad that we are forced to gut the bathroom and kitchen, so I can speed up the day I get my new cabinets, flooring, etc. But the realistic part of me PRAYS that it's an easy fix because the bill would bring us to tears....we'd have to resort to child labor. Sorry, Hannah.

After the roofing project, and taking care of Hannah full time, this project could not come at a worse time.
I hope Isaac's return to work will actually be a rest from his summer "break." Oh well, what can you do?

back to work

After having a week off, I am now dreading the return to day camp. It's not like it's a hard job, but for some reason I get anxious. The same anxious I get every August when school is about to begin. I'm not ultra shy, but being around people and the pressure I put on myself to please others wears me out. Somedays I'd rather just be a homebody, hanging around my family and friends who know me best and still, for some reason, like me....most of the time.

summertime

, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Finally, our first trip to the pool this season.

bathing beauty

bathing beauty, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Oh, to look this cute in a two piece!

Rainy Tuesday morning

I love waking up to the rain. It makes me want to take my time getting up, read the paper, drink coffee....I'm not a coffee drinker, but if I ever started, it would be a day like today.

But Hannah doesn't seem to feel the same way. She's wide awake at 6am (did I train her to do this...if so, what was I thinking?!) and ready to eat. So now here I am watching the rain out of my dining room window. Maybe I'll go back to bed when I put Hannah back down for a nap.

Maybe not. It's not quite the same and I have a messy basement that's calling my name.

update

Yeah, well, I'm back. I'm not so good at keeping up with this, but I'll try harder, I promise (If anyone is out there).

Hannah: I absolutely love hanging out with her. She does something new everyday. Crawling (actually, scooting is probably a more correct term) and making new cute faces are her new thing. I don't keep up with the photos as well as I should. It's on my list of things to do.

Home: Messy! but what's new? I am so grateful for our neighborhood and a roof over our heads, literally. Isaac has been working on our roof for the last month. Lots of repairs and long days, but it's almost done. I'll post a picture soon.

Work: Working at Day Camp has been fun, and I've learned how tough it is to supervise college age kids (I'm old, I can't believe I just called them "kids.") but I hate being away from home. Isaac has been in charge at home....he's doing a great job with Hannah, but he's looking forward to letting me take over.

Marathon: I am officially in training! Vickie and I are running the Chicago marathon. 12 miles next week, Vickie!

Podcasting: Not me personally, but Isaac and I have met some great people through Blue Dog Banter. I make fun of people who meet friends on the "Internet," but now I've become one of them.

Travels: We are heading to Nebraska in a couple of weeks! I can't wait to be surrounded by bluffs, buffallo, and rolling hills. I never thought I would say those words, but there they are. I miss my family and can't wait for the Hokey Pokey and all the other self-humiliating games.

Family: Chris and Gretchen are now in China. It was hard to see them leave and even harder to see Isaac tearfully say goodbye. We already miss you!

Friends: Vickie's moving to town! Laurie's back in the states! When are we going to relive our college roommate days?

Well, that's about all excitement that's called my life. Stay tuned. More to come. I promise.

thoughts-part I

Before I begin, I will apologize in advance (to the two people who still read this) for this entry not making sense. I also want to say that I am not in any way complaining about a specific church, or group of people that I may know. These are just personal struggles that I need to accept responsibility for and look for ways to become more humble and like Christ.
This is my first time putting these thoughts into words, and yes, Isaac, there will be terms your are probably going to make me define, but here goes.

Church
For quite awhile now, this word/idea/thing has bothered me. I feel guilty for the feelings and questions I have, so when I try to explain them, I want to recognize most of the problems I have with church probably reflect my own lack of maturity and growth, but nevertheless, I need to work through them.

When I use the word, church, I am referring to the established Christian community in my limited experience.

So many people I know have become disillusioned by church and spend most of the time complaining, but not looking for answers or ways to make it better. I find that I do this sometimes, but no good comes from this.

So, where to begin? What has troubled me with church?

in worship:
I used to (and still do, but it's been so long) love worship through music. I've always loved to sing and feel like I could convey my heart in no other way. But for a long time now, I've been restless and embarrassed at how much my worship time seems to be more for myself than it is for God. Lately, I've found comfort in singing out of obedience, rather than emotion. I love the songs that state clear truth of what I know about God. While other songs ramble on and on, one cheesy verse after another. I ask myself, "Do I really mean this? Would I say this to you, God, individually?"

in teaching:
Please teach me to be thoughful and reflective. I know this is ultimately my responsibility, but we need to encourage one another to be this way. We as Christians are developing (or have developed) a reputation of ignorance. We don't think through what/why we believe, we just accept what we're told because the person who told us is behind a pulpit. You don't need to guilt me into Bible study or prayer...that's been self-defeating in the past and present.

in service:
it's human nature to want to spend time with people most like us and people who aren't that needy, but we are asked to give of ourselves sacrificially and help the needy. Why is it so hard to find people who are willing to help? Should I expect them to, when these people are MY friends, and not theirs? Or am I just being lazy and wanting to blame others for my lack of courage and persistence? Or have I reacted the same way when someone else mentions a need?

I ultimately know that my lack of study and reflection is what has created some of my frustration. So I know this is my first step in starting change.

...to be continued

Happy 4th

Bummer no fireworks, too much rain!!

The life of a tree

What would life be like as a tree? Standing, never changing location, watching generations go by, yet remaining where you've always been. I think about this a lot when we return to my hometown. I guess it baffles me and leaves me in a state of awe to think of the sandy bluffs and cottonwood trees winding along the wide North Platte river remaining the same even when I seem to change significantlly each year I return. My mom and dad crossed this river and passed these trees many times when they were dating. These same trees saw me visit my grandparents most weekends, hang out with my friends as a teenager, drive home from college during breaks, and now bring my own daughter on vacation. I have changed so much, yet these trees seem eternally the same.

I realize how self-centered this whole idea sounds. Yes, life does go on without me. Most of my conversations during our visit with family consist of what's changed in their lives and communities. My family and friends seem to be able to breathe, eat, work, and play all without my supervision and involvement. Yet returning home, brings out such a nostalga in me that is sad and somewhat alarming to me when buildings change and people move.

That's probably why the unchanging, solitary life of a tree is comforting to think about.

Things I've learned from work

Since january, I've been lucky to get a job processing orders for a local landscape nursery. They send out various catalogs all over the U.S. Here's a few tidbits I've gathered over the past weeks:

1. When you really want to show deep desperation regarding your purchase, use the ever so attention-getting word "Puhleeze" when asking for a refund.
2. Mail orders are a safe and convenient way to evangelize to the masses.
3. Customers trust you to use their personal information in an honest manner.
4. Writing complaints via mail is a great way to let off steam and humor the recipient.
5. Note to PETA: i just handle the paper, not the organisms. And my milk drinking habits will not be swayed my a pamphlet I found in a landscaping order.
6. Note to organic growers and recyclers: why do you use more paper to complain of our paper waste?
7. Note to self: if you ever get worked up about the high cost of shipping and handling, wishing all the company workers to be paralyzed is not nice nor effective
8. Note to public: don't send signed, blank checks to companies, or anyone for that matter.
9. Note to customers, my name is Krista, not honey, fellow earthling, a**hole, sir,.....
10. Some companies will actually take postage stamps as payment!
11. There is such a thing as a fruit cocktail tree: plums, nectarines, peaches, and apricots all in one.
12. Yes, bluebells are actually blue, I promise.

update

Well, you've probably all given up on me since it's been so long since my last blog, but here's what's going on with me:

1. Hannah- she laughed, the real belly laughter kind of laugh, a couple of days ago. All of a sudden, she finds our dog Schaeffer hilarious. I'll have to post a picture of him. But my goodness, her laugh....so beautiful, cute, and beyond words. She is teaching me to cherish and savor each moment.

2. Family- this last month, both my sisters came to visit. I love them so much and our time together always goes too fast. We always eat and shop too much.

3. Running- the mini-marathon is only 4 weeks away. It's been hard to get back into my running schedule. My shins and knee are giving me trouble, but I am going to finish this race, pain or no pain. I love the mental and physical challenge in running. My schedule with work and Hannah however have made it more difficult to find time to fit it in. I will definately not be as prepared as I have been in the past. Race weekend will be great. Vickie and I get to run it together, and it's mother's day weekend.

4. TV- ok, confession time. I watch too much tv. Actually, a lot of the time I keep it on for background noise during the day. This needs to stop for Hannah's sake.

5. Reading- Listening to DaVinci Code while I'm running....very exciting so far. I can't wait for the movie to come out. I am starting to read Donald Miller's Searching for God Knows What and Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies. Isaac highly recommended them and I liked Blue Like Jazz. I hope this will refresh my faith. It's been a tough couple of years for me in this area. Maybe I'll blog more on this later.

6. Housework- um....what is it? I had this well organized system going until the baby came. Not that important in the big picture, but still bothersome.

7. Podcast- I'm addicted. Blue Dog Banter, Illinoise, Adam Curry, The Bitterest Pill....all nice company to have while working or running.

8. Traveling- we're headed to Isaac's Indiana grandparents for the weekend. It's always a good time, especially in warm weather. They own a small campground and fishing lake out in the country. Good food and a fun road trip with my sister-in-law and husband.

9. Money- I've realized that no matter how we are doing, I worry. I need to relax and shut up about it. So all of you have permission to remind me of this (except you, Isaac =) ).

10. Work- busy, but I'm grateful. Not many jobs allow you to work at home. Customers send the funniest things. I'll start saving them to share. I've gotten more cheesy salvation tracts than I can count. I am pulled between by my cynicism and the realization that these people have the best intentions.

That's all my rambling for now.

Links

I finally figured out how to put links on my blog. Well, to be honest, Isaac figured it out, but either way, check out my fellow bloggers.

Vickie and Laurie are dear friends and were my college roommates for a time....great memories of laughter, soap operas, and soap stealing.

Isaac is my other (more intelligent) half. I told him not to put me as a link on his blog....my entries are too "bubble gummy" for his readers. He also started podcasting with two friends. I'm not sure I could explain it well, but from what I understand, it's an audio blog. It sounds like a radio show.

And then of course, I must include a link for more Hannah photos. A must see!

just doin' my job

I work at home for a catalog landscaping company processing orders that come in the mail. It's been interesting to see what people will write or send with their orders. One of my responsibilities is to cross off any extra information the customer writes that isn't needed to process the order. Today is no different from any other....except for one order. This lady crossed out her husband's name on the shipping address and writes,"My husband died December 16th. I miss him so much my heart hurts."

What do I do? What CAN I do? Well, I do my job: cross off the unneccessary information so the order is processed.

But I am thinking about writing her. I haven't decided if this is stepping out of bounds.

How my heart feels

How my heart feels, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Go Illini!

Go Illini!, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Actually, we haven't been watching the games much, but tis the season!

Note to self

1. Eat more fruits and veges...the m&m's aren't helping you.
2. In the big scheme of things, doing dishes everyday won't kill you.
3. Remember when you listened to music all the time? Newsradio?! Are you 50?!
4. You are so lucky to have a great family and friends who love you. Don't take them for granted.
5. You are lucky you have legs to run. Don't take them for granted either.
6. God speaks in the everyday routines of life. Look for them.

braindead

My brain is tired from the events of the day. For a long time I have felt like I've been so consumed with a list of to do's, that I haven't taken time to challenge myself spiritually or intellectually. Any spare minute I have, I tend to sit in front of the tv and veg out. I'm definately not proud of this and long to read a reallly good book that makes me think and reflect. Any suggestions?

ramblings

well, I'm back after taking care of a sick baby and husband. The flu is going around here and really wiping people out for several days! To be honest, that isn't the only reason why I haven't blogged lately. Turns out, this blogging thing is harder than I thought it would be. I read other blogs and admire their way with words and perspective on the everyday elements of life. I find myself thinking about lots of things I could blog about, but am not real skilled at communicating into words.

I'm one of those people who can't seem figure out the comedic timing when telling a story. I envy those people who can paint a picture with words and make you laugh, or really think. I think my problem is that I try too hard. I want people to think I'm smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, etc. I make it more about me, yet I take myself too seriously. So from here on out, I'm not going to worry about it as much. Easier said than done, but my effort begins now.

much ado about pot roast

I cooked my first pot roast yesterday. Up until now, I didn't know what kind of meat that was or how to find it among other cuts of meat in the grocery store. But now, ladies and gentlemen, I actually used a roaster and a crockpot to make my ever tasty Italian beef. It wasn't as hard as I thought....but much more fattening than I imagined.

All this to say, little things like pot roast remind me of the new chapter in my life. Being a mom has made me say goodbye to "extra" pleasures, like dining out and shopping, and hello to cookbooks, crockpots, and coupons, but each time I look into her big blue I eyes, I'm reminded it's well worth it.

I'm addicted

I'm addicted, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

One of my guilty pleasures. The assortment bags are my favorite. Who knew such flavor could be packed into such a tiny bean?

speechless

I'm at a loss of what to say to my new friend. Her husband left her 6 months ago with 2 little children. Each time I talk with her, I learn more of the personal pain in her life. How can I be Jesus to her? I know this may seem easy to answer, but I am struggling with what specific things I can say or do that would be genuine and show Christ's love for her. It's hard to live in the midst of unresolved conflict. Any advice for me?

My sweet baby

My sweet baby, originally uploaded by shmoopee.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous - and how well I know it.
Psalm 139:14

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

procrastinating

-editing my bundle of orders for my new job (more on that later)
-ironing that big pile of clothes (sorry, Isaac)
-reading from my pile of "must read" books
-cleaning my dog hair-infested floor
-working out with my new Pilates video
-figuring out how to post pictures on this blog....who wants to actually READ directions?!

Okay, here goes..

It's finally time to get this thing started. I've thought about many things to blog about, but to actually commit to something in writing is scarier than I thought. I haven't told anyone about my blog yet, but when you come to it, please be kind and patient. So here I am putting myself out there. I'm excited for the journey!

testing 1,2,3....

this is only a test