Monday, July 18, 2005
back to work
After having a week off, I am now dreading the return to day camp. It's not like it's a hard job, but for some reason I get anxious. The same anxious I get every August when school is about to begin. I'm not ultra shy, but being around people and the pressure I put on myself to please others wears me out. Somedays I'd rather just be a homebody, hanging around my family and friends who know me best and still, for some reason, like me....most of the time.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Rainy Tuesday morning
I love waking up to the rain. It makes me want to take my time getting up, read the paper, drink coffee....I'm not a coffee drinker, but if I ever started, it would be a day like today.
But Hannah doesn't seem to feel the same way. She's wide awake at 6am (did I train her to do this...if so, what was I thinking?!) and ready to eat. So now here I am watching the rain out of my dining room window. Maybe I'll go back to bed when I put Hannah back down for a nap.
Maybe not. It's not quite the same and I have a messy basement that's calling my name.
But Hannah doesn't seem to feel the same way. She's wide awake at 6am (did I train her to do this...if so, what was I thinking?!) and ready to eat. So now here I am watching the rain out of my dining room window. Maybe I'll go back to bed when I put Hannah back down for a nap.
Maybe not. It's not quite the same and I have a messy basement that's calling my name.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
update
Yeah, well, I'm back. I'm not so good at keeping up with this, but I'll try harder, I promise (If anyone is out there).
Hannah: I absolutely love hanging out with her. She does something new everyday. Crawling (actually, scooting is probably a more correct term) and making new cute faces are her new thing. I don't keep up with the photos as well as I should. It's on my list of things to do.
Home: Messy! but what's new? I am so grateful for our neighborhood and a roof over our heads, literally. Isaac has been working on our roof for the last month. Lots of repairs and long days, but it's almost done. I'll post a picture soon.
Work: Working at Day Camp has been fun, and I've learned how tough it is to supervise college age kids (I'm old, I can't believe I just called them "kids.") but I hate being away from home. Isaac has been in charge at home....he's doing a great job with Hannah, but he's looking forward to letting me take over.
Marathon: I am officially in training! Vickie and I are running the Chicago marathon. 12 miles next week, Vickie!
Podcasting: Not me personally, but Isaac and I have met some great people through Blue Dog Banter. I make fun of people who meet friends on the "Internet," but now I've become one of them.
Travels: We are heading to Nebraska in a couple of weeks! I can't wait to be surrounded by bluffs, buffallo, and rolling hills. I never thought I would say those words, but there they are. I miss my family and can't wait for the Hokey Pokey and all the other self-humiliating games.
Family: Chris and Gretchen are now in China. It was hard to see them leave and even harder to see Isaac tearfully say goodbye. We already miss you!
Friends: Vickie's moving to town! Laurie's back in the states! When are we going to relive our college roommate days?
Well, that's about all excitement that's called my life. Stay tuned. More to come. I promise.
Hannah: I absolutely love hanging out with her. She does something new everyday. Crawling (actually, scooting is probably a more correct term) and making new cute faces are her new thing. I don't keep up with the photos as well as I should. It's on my list of things to do.
Home: Messy! but what's new? I am so grateful for our neighborhood and a roof over our heads, literally. Isaac has been working on our roof for the last month. Lots of repairs and long days, but it's almost done. I'll post a picture soon.
Work: Working at Day Camp has been fun, and I've learned how tough it is to supervise college age kids (I'm old, I can't believe I just called them "kids.") but I hate being away from home. Isaac has been in charge at home....he's doing a great job with Hannah, but he's looking forward to letting me take over.
Marathon: I am officially in training! Vickie and I are running the Chicago marathon. 12 miles next week, Vickie!
Podcasting: Not me personally, but Isaac and I have met some great people through Blue Dog Banter. I make fun of people who meet friends on the "Internet," but now I've become one of them.
Travels: We are heading to Nebraska in a couple of weeks! I can't wait to be surrounded by bluffs, buffallo, and rolling hills. I never thought I would say those words, but there they are. I miss my family and can't wait for the Hokey Pokey and all the other self-humiliating games.
Family: Chris and Gretchen are now in China. It was hard to see them leave and even harder to see Isaac tearfully say goodbye. We already miss you!
Friends: Vickie's moving to town! Laurie's back in the states! When are we going to relive our college roommate days?
Well, that's about all excitement that's called my life. Stay tuned. More to come. I promise.
thoughts-part I
Before I begin, I will apologize in advance (to the two people who still read this) for this entry not making sense. I also want to say that I am not in any way complaining about a specific church, or group of people that I may know. These are just personal struggles that I need to accept responsibility for and look for ways to become more humble and like Christ.
This is my first time putting these thoughts into words, and yes, Isaac, there will be terms your are probably going to make me define, but here goes.
Church
For quite awhile now, this word/idea/thing has bothered me. I feel guilty for the feelings and questions I have, so when I try to explain them, I want to recognize most of the problems I have with church probably reflect my own lack of maturity and growth, but nevertheless, I need to work through them.
When I use the word, church, I am referring to the established Christian community in my limited experience.
So many people I know have become disillusioned by church and spend most of the time complaining, but not looking for answers or ways to make it better. I find that I do this sometimes, but no good comes from this.
So, where to begin? What has troubled me with church?
in worship:
I used to (and still do, but it's been so long) love worship through music. I've always loved to sing and feel like I could convey my heart in no other way. But for a long time now, I've been restless and embarrassed at how much my worship time seems to be more for myself than it is for God. Lately, I've found comfort in singing out of obedience, rather than emotion. I love the songs that state clear truth of what I know about God. While other songs ramble on and on, one cheesy verse after another. I ask myself, "Do I really mean this? Would I say this to you, God, individually?"
in teaching:
Please teach me to be thoughful and reflective. I know this is ultimately my responsibility, but we need to encourage one another to be this way. We as Christians are developing (or have developed) a reputation of ignorance. We don't think through what/why we believe, we just accept what we're told because the person who told us is behind a pulpit. You don't need to guilt me into Bible study or prayer...that's been self-defeating in the past and present.
in service:
it's human nature to want to spend time with people most like us and people who aren't that needy, but we are asked to give of ourselves sacrificially and help the needy. Why is it so hard to find people who are willing to help? Should I expect them to, when these people are MY friends, and not theirs? Or am I just being lazy and wanting to blame others for my lack of courage and persistence? Or have I reacted the same way when someone else mentions a need?
I ultimately know that my lack of study and reflection is what has created some of my frustration. So I know this is my first step in starting change.
...to be continued
This is my first time putting these thoughts into words, and yes, Isaac, there will be terms your are probably going to make me define, but here goes.
Church
For quite awhile now, this word/idea/thing has bothered me. I feel guilty for the feelings and questions I have, so when I try to explain them, I want to recognize most of the problems I have with church probably reflect my own lack of maturity and growth, but nevertheless, I need to work through them.
When I use the word, church, I am referring to the established Christian community in my limited experience.
So many people I know have become disillusioned by church and spend most of the time complaining, but not looking for answers or ways to make it better. I find that I do this sometimes, but no good comes from this.
So, where to begin? What has troubled me with church?
in worship:
I used to (and still do, but it's been so long) love worship through music. I've always loved to sing and feel like I could convey my heart in no other way. But for a long time now, I've been restless and embarrassed at how much my worship time seems to be more for myself than it is for God. Lately, I've found comfort in singing out of obedience, rather than emotion. I love the songs that state clear truth of what I know about God. While other songs ramble on and on, one cheesy verse after another. I ask myself, "Do I really mean this? Would I say this to you, God, individually?"
in teaching:
Please teach me to be thoughful and reflective. I know this is ultimately my responsibility, but we need to encourage one another to be this way. We as Christians are developing (or have developed) a reputation of ignorance. We don't think through what/why we believe, we just accept what we're told because the person who told us is behind a pulpit. You don't need to guilt me into Bible study or prayer...that's been self-defeating in the past and present.
in service:
it's human nature to want to spend time with people most like us and people who aren't that needy, but we are asked to give of ourselves sacrificially and help the needy. Why is it so hard to find people who are willing to help? Should I expect them to, when these people are MY friends, and not theirs? Or am I just being lazy and wanting to blame others for my lack of courage and persistence? Or have I reacted the same way when someone else mentions a need?
I ultimately know that my lack of study and reflection is what has created some of my frustration. So I know this is my first step in starting change.
...to be continued
Monday, July 04, 2005
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