While it lasts

The second I publish this, it will all change...but as of right now, I'm sitting on my cozy couch watching the Food Network, while my three, sweet girls are sleeping upstairs...and have been sleeping for about 2 hours. This is very rare, and VERY nice.

Now before I begin, I realize how, in the big scheme of things, my life is pretty good. But I've been feeling very anxious lately. Not that this is all that unusual, for myself or for anyone else for that matter, but I'm trying to figure out the root of this reccurring problem. And my recent anxiety seems very trivial and petty, but nevertheless, it's mine.

I volunteered to lead a sing-along time for the kids at a mom's group on Wednesdays. This past week was my first attempt. The loud and large gym, the enticing, destracting toys scattered throughout the gym, the large number of very young children, and the tired, drained college kids were just the right ingredients for disaster. Now, I'm sure I'm exaggerating somewhat, but I felt ridiculous singing and acting out these fun songs to kids that either looked at me as if I were trying too hard, or they were completely unaware I was up front attempting to get their undivided attention. Very humbling, I must say....which is always good for gaining perspective, right?

As of now, I think the root of the problem is I care too much of what other people think of me....even the opinions of 3 year olds. Wow, that seems borderline psychotic. Now I realize this is just 20 minutes of their lives and doesn't hold much significance, so why does this make me so angst ridden? Because I have nothing else to do? Probably depends on who you ask. But how can I let go of this need/desire/fixation to make sure I leave positive impressions everywhere I go? (However, as I write this, I realize I don't do this with my husband, the one person I definately should value.)

I was just talking to a good friend and we were pondering the question, "Why are we so guarded with people? What does it take to be more comfortable in our own skin?" I'm sure there are some obvious answers, but right now I'm stumped. It's one thing to figure out the solution, but another to apply it in the moment, one act at a time.

Actually, it's rather liberating to be silly in front of a young crowd....and even more liberating to laugh at myself afterwards. Now, if they'd only join me in the tomfoolery.

more pics

The cutest White Sox fan, besides Vickie, of course. (Thanks, Barb!)

European beer guy

If you mess with the White Sox, you mess with me.

rookie observations

Vickie has opened my eyes to the world of baseball and I feel like a kid who's just learning about the basics. She's very patient, and a little amused I think, at my naive questions....and I'm grateful that she takes the time to answer them.
Here are a few things I've noticed (please accept my apologies for any misuse or neglect of baseball lingo):

1. Baseball is a game of multi-tasking. I couldn't believe all the stats they post and keep current play by play. We could get detailed facts on each player, the speed of the pitch, etc., PLUS we could watch the scores of other games. NOT ONLY THAT, but the stadium continually had games/songs/videos playing to keep us entertained. AND SOMEHOW, we still find time to feed our faces. Baseball is either a woman's game, or men have lied when they said they can't multi-task....being the skeptical person that I am, I'm opting for the latter.

2. I love being in the midst of greatness. No matter if it's sports, academics, cooking, music, whatever, I love being present while people, who are considered some of the best in their field, do their thing. I find I especially watch them in the mundane moments. For example, I couldn't help but watch and wonder what the pitchers talk about in the bull pen area. What do they drink? What were they doing prior to the game? Did they drive here on their own after grocery shopping? I never knew that they had their own area, separate from the bull pen.

3. Baseball is all about the pitching. I'm still confused at the complexity of the pitch, but what pressure!

4. How cool would it be to have 40,000 people get up from their seats cheer for you! What a rush! On the other hand, having every mistake under the microscope would be devastatingly humbling.

5. Baseball fans (probably not ALL) are very passionate about their team. However, the players (at least from my observation) seem friendly with other teams.

Here are a few pictures from this past weekend's game:
Vickie and her mom, Barb (and our ticket into the game...thanks, Barb!)


The pitchers heading to the bull pen.

The picture that almost made the big screen!

If only Laurie would have displayed her shirt at the game!

just wondering

I've always thought the word "condone" was misleading. Doesn't it sound like it means the opposite of its actual definition?
I'm surprised some politician or entertainer hasn't misused it in some humorous way. That, or I'm the only one who has to think twice whenever I hear it.
The more I think about it, it's probably just me.

22 months

Hannah,
I know it's cliche, but time has flown by. It seems the minute I feel I've adjusted to a new milestone in your life, you're moving on toward the next.
A few of the milestones:
1. Speaking. You're amazing. Several new words/sentences everyday. I can't keep up.
2. Using utensils. It's messy, but you love to eat applesauce all by yourself.
3. Throwing fits. Telling me, "no." Especially in public. Very humbling. And probably very satisifying for my own mother.
4. You seem to have two sides. One that is very social, friendly, and courageous. And another that is timid, shy, and fearful. You love the playground and seem to have no fear. Yet, when it comes to getting wet, you cling to me and beg to be taken away.

A few thoughts I want you to know about these milestones:
1. Words are powerful. Despite my own failures, I hope you grow to learn how to use them to build up, encourage, and praise. I also hope you know that I will do my best to listen to your heart when words reach their limit for understanding. With God's help, I will try to be slow to speak, and quick to listen.
2. My job is to help you become responsible and independent. But I will always be there for you whenever you need me.
3. I think this is the beginning of a tough stage for me. Your will vs. my will. I hope I always show God's and my love for you throughout the process.
4. I love you just as you are.