34 months

Hannah,
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the past, present, and future. I've always been somewhat of an introspective person, but ever since you've made your entrance into our lives, I find I do it a whole lot more....partly because I'm getting older and sensing my mortality. But I believe this introspection is primarily because of my attempt to keep up with you while you grow up, and not miss any teachable moments along the way.

Each little milestone has been such a joy to watch and I'm trying to soak it all in. One of the best advice I heard about parenting is to never wish away a stage in your child's life. Live in the present as much as you can and be grateful for each moment.
I've started to realize we're alike in that we tend to look to the future....to the present's detriment. Your concern about other people and how they will affect you causes you to forget to enjoy your turn. So in light of the parenting advice, here are a few cherished highlights as I watch you transform from my baby into a little girl:

-Your rock star glasses...they are a hit everywhere you go!

-Your first canoe ride, first view of the ocean


-Your first fun run....no pressure, but I'd love for us to run races together someday.

-Your imagination....talking on the "phone" (but still refusing to talk when someone really is on the line), using our furniture as vehicles and boats, playing school and restaurant, etc.
-Your love for girly things. You and Grandma Sue had your first pedicures this summer,


choosing dresses over pants, wearing bows, necklaces, and the bracelet Aunt Bobbi gave you. You've just recently discovered how fun it is to do mommy's hair. Yesterday, you put every barrette you own into my hair.

-Playing hard-to-get. You love to be chased by daddy. Every night, you hide from him and wait for the chase to begin.

-Insistence on a particular routine. Every night, you request the "Elmo" lullaby...a special lullaby his mom would make up each night...so I do the same. You insist on making "Hannah burritos" after bathtime, sleeping with "Sparkly Dora," a tiny plastic figurine, as well as your red blanket and a handful of other stuffed animals.
-Your love of everything "Dora the Explorer." Not sure how I feel about this, but it's completely our fault...we've bought into this whole Nickelodeon marketing ploy.

-Your vocabulary around the house....it's been fun to watch you more easily communicate more of your feelings and imagination. No matter what you're doing, you speak at FULL volume. I especially love how you tell a story and cup your hands up at your sides for emphasis.
-Your sensitivity towards others' reactions. You put yourself out there...people laugh...and you're not sure if this amusement is good or bad. We've been telling you that, of course, it's a good thing. We're laughing because you're cute, but not sure if this is a good lesson for the future....see? I can't avoid looking ahead, can I?


So in light of the future, this is what I want for you as well as for myself:
-Sometimes when people laugh, it may hurt. But the less you care about what others think, the better off you'll be.
-Listen to others. People are very interesting and worth trying to understand.
-When you get a choice, pick the more challenging one.
-Enjoy each moment. It may be cliche, but time really does fly by.
-Making others happy is sometimes more fulfilling than meeting your own needs.

You are lovely, Hannah, inside and out.
Thank you for teaching me along the way.
I love you,
Mom

If you listen to podcasts, I highly recommend Radio Lab...I just finished listening to an episode on the theory of emergence. This may not be new to most of you, but I must have slept through this part of science class.

Basically from my limited understanding, emergence is the study of how simple, unintelligible things can somehow accomplish incredible, brilliant tasks when they come together, or emerge.....how out of nothing, something intricate and awe-inspiring emerges.

There are a couple things that this podcast left me thinking about. When we look at a beautiful rainbow, examine a small leaf, colony of ants, or a bustling city street, and wonder how such order and detail is formed, a question is raised: Where did this order come from?

Not everyone comes up with the same answer. Is this where faith enters? Or is there more evidence to support the existence of an "author"? Christians (I'm making a generalization, bear with me) tend to quickly put the "God" stamp on the explanation and the conversation ends there. This really saddens me.

Listening to other points of view does not mean we are compromising our own. And we need to be teachable, right? Who's got it all figured out? So many more questions are raised with this theory. Like, how does God interact with the world? Is it more of a hands-off approach? This is such a sticky controversial topic, but I'd love to have conversations with people about this without our defenses being raised.

Another thought this podcast left me pondering was how much do I underestimate the power of a group? As difficult as it is to work and live side by side, I need people. I guess this also proves meetings are more productive than we admit, right?

The jury is still out on that one. =)

In light of my last blog, I found it quite funny that this was one of the quotes of the day on my iGoogle page.....

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
- Olin Miller

Up until recently, I never understood why people go through some sort of "mid-life" crisis. I'm really not that old, but have started to feel rather panicked about all the things I'd like to do, and the reality that life is already busy and limited.

On one hand, I've never been as happy as I am now staying home and raising Hannah. She's been such a fulfilling part of my life and I am cherishing every minute.

But there's this really ugly side of me, the one that cares what other people think, that makes me feel somewhat unproductive and unimportant. I realize that my perceptions of what others think is misconstrued at best, but I feel the urge to prove to the world that even though I stay at home, it doesn't mean I can't do anything else. Pride....that's another really ugly part of me.

On the other hand, what if being a homemaker IS all I can do? What's really wrong with this? I'm very blessed to have people around me reminding me that what I'm doing is very important, maybe the most important thing I can do. But the prideful, approval-seeking part of me needs more convincing. I really want to be humble, and content with being in the background....but it's a rather painful process....and I just wish I could perform some kind of personality transplant; painful, yes, but quicker than this slow process of dying to self.

He hissed at me, honest!

So I'm out running this morning....it was the last stretch, a storm was coming in, so it was getting darker and the trail felt like it was more evening than morning.

At least this is my theory on why I saw a RACCOON at 6:30am!! He crossed my path, stopped in the middle of the trail, got up on its hind feet, looked at me for a what seemed like an eternity, then scurried off when it saw a bicyclist approaching.

Thank you, Mr. Bicycle Man.
You are my hero.

I keep waiting for something to blog about.
I've got nothing.

But I do have lots of kids at my house this week. I've hardly had time to do anything but try to keep them entertained. Very exhausting.

I'm very much looking forward the weekend. Not sure what's going on, but I'm hoping for some quality reading time.
Maybe then, I'll have something to say.

But who am I kidding? This is probably not the blog you go to for your daily thought-provokation....is this a word?
There you go. Something to think about. Now you won't be able to say I never made you think.