for documentation

Hannah: I love you so much and want to stay with you forever.

Me: I love you too. Remember this when you're thirteen, okay?

Hannah: Okay.

Swim lessons update

Bribery.
So far, this has helped. Along with swimming together on family swim night.

Today's prize for bravery: goggles.

Tonight, she screamed, then cried ONLY when she was on the edge. When they took her out to practice the strokes, she quieted right down and did what she was supposed to do. I'm still baffled at why she cried at the easiest part and frankly I'm rather irritated about it. But she DID get in and eventually joined her class. (Last week, another instructor took her by herself. That's one way to get private lessons, I guess!) Baby steps, right?

Next week's goal: no crying AT ALL. The prize? Glow in the dark finger nail polish.

Everything I learned, I learned from swim lessons....

So I thought it would be a great idea to sign Hannah up for some sort of activity this fall. Our town has so many great resources, it can be a bit overwhelming. But I thought I'd keep it simple. Hannah tends to be cautious and uncomfortable in the water, so I figured swim lessons should be our first choice.

We're only 2 lessons in, and I'm afraid the time is coming when we are asked to not come back. H's first lesson started off okay, but something, still unknown to the teacher and myself, upset her and she was fairly hysterical the remainder of the class. Gratefully, the other kids in the pool continued with their lessons as if a hysterical child was commonplace in such an environment. And I've been reassured by the teachers that it IS common. However, H has been the only one (including the babies) inconsolable thus far.

We have been talking up swim lessons all this week, to no avail. We've prayed for courage. Talked about what it means to have courage. Reassured. Encouraged. Bribed. Invented special sign language to help remind her to take deep breaths, listen, pray, etc. She's been consistent with her dislike for her lessons, but willing to try to be brave.

But.

The poor girl couldn't calm herself down. From the moment she walked into the pool area, she freaked out. I thought by me leaving, that might help. Instead, minutes after my leaving, Hannah was brought to me and I was told she threw up and that they had to evacuate the pool. I was of course, embarrassed. Then ashamed that my concern of other parents' reactions came before my compassion for my terrified little girl.

Here's where I'm stuck. When do I know enough is enough? I want my girl to have attributes like courage, commitment, persistence, hard work....and I know those traits don't come easily. But I also want her to know what it means to give and receive compassion, grace, and mercy. And I have to admit that although I may be more skilled in the former, I'm really weak in modeling the latter. I'm sure there are many of my former students and their parents out there who will vouch for this.

I intended this post to be a rather funny reflection on an embarrassing moment. Don't get me wrong, it still is funny and Hannah will probably grow very tired of hearing it told year after year. But I guess this experience is just one example of one of my biggest challenges in being a parent. And I really don't want to mess it up. I guess I need a little mercy myself.....